I think it starts with the first time we hold our newborn baby in our arms and we feel such unprecedented love and connection. Mine. This life is in my care. It doesn't belong to me. It is on loan and I am only to love and cherish, protect and nourish the body, heart and mind of this beautiful being. I will introduce them to God and He will nourish their soul. One day we will be as equals and we will share our journey.
In September, my family said good-bye to a grandmother, mother, wife and friend. She was a lot of things to a lot of different people but to me, she was just my mom. Our family dinner was a little quieter tonight and the family down to just the three of us. My siblings live hours away and so it is more noticeable when there is just one absent. Just one life. Just one smile less at the dinner table. One less cup of tea to pour. I caught myself coming around the corner to the living room, steaming tea mugs in hand and remembering the last time my mother was lounging there on my couch, smiling and waiting patiently. My mind had hardly begun to process this hole in my life and I am faced with the beginning of another good-bye. My adopted mother, a close friend of our family and a lady who has known me since my infancy, has become ill. She is making a good recovery but as I was leaving the hospital tonight, all I could think of was that this was the beginning of goodbye and I'm just not prepared for the possibility. It seems those super heroes of our youth should continue on and always be there to share our lives and help us build our castles.
This afternoon, I sat down and wrote out a letter to this lady, mentor and friend to make sure she knew how much I treasure her.
Before my own illness, I would have given some of my heart and bought a fancy card...which I still intend to do...but shared only so much of my love. Having experienced so much despair and recovery has given me more love and patience than I would have ever had without the trial of my faith. It is easier for me to live my heart because I appreciate life much more now. I used to wonder why God has stood by silently and seemingly without any action. The lessons I have learned could never be taught from the comfort of an easy life and He was willing to bear my hurt and bitterness to see compassion and respect for the heart of another come out of the losses of life. I am not glad to have gone through the pain, but I am glad to have the strength and endurance I have gained.
Today, I caught myself starting the day with a complaint and hit the restart button. When I was little, it was located on my posterior but now that I'm almost a grown up, it's strictly a mental thing. So, I started the day over and determined that I am going to have a good day. Be a blessing to someone. Love without reserve. Cherish each day instead of assuming the martyr's stance. Acknowledge that while the beginning of good bye may begin with the first time we begin loving, it is never the end.
In September, my family said good-bye to a grandmother, mother, wife and friend. She was a lot of things to a lot of different people but to me, she was just my mom. Our family dinner was a little quieter tonight and the family down to just the three of us. My siblings live hours away and so it is more noticeable when there is just one absent. Just one life. Just one smile less at the dinner table. One less cup of tea to pour. I caught myself coming around the corner to the living room, steaming tea mugs in hand and remembering the last time my mother was lounging there on my couch, smiling and waiting patiently. My mind had hardly begun to process this hole in my life and I am faced with the beginning of another good-bye. My adopted mother, a close friend of our family and a lady who has known me since my infancy, has become ill. She is making a good recovery but as I was leaving the hospital tonight, all I could think of was that this was the beginning of goodbye and I'm just not prepared for the possibility. It seems those super heroes of our youth should continue on and always be there to share our lives and help us build our castles.
This afternoon, I sat down and wrote out a letter to this lady, mentor and friend to make sure she knew how much I treasure her.
Before my own illness, I would have given some of my heart and bought a fancy card...which I still intend to do...but shared only so much of my love. Having experienced so much despair and recovery has given me more love and patience than I would have ever had without the trial of my faith. It is easier for me to live my heart because I appreciate life much more now. I used to wonder why God has stood by silently and seemingly without any action. The lessons I have learned could never be taught from the comfort of an easy life and He was willing to bear my hurt and bitterness to see compassion and respect for the heart of another come out of the losses of life. I am not glad to have gone through the pain, but I am glad to have the strength and endurance I have gained.
Today, I caught myself starting the day with a complaint and hit the restart button. When I was little, it was located on my posterior but now that I'm almost a grown up, it's strictly a mental thing. So, I started the day over and determined that I am going to have a good day. Be a blessing to someone. Love without reserve. Cherish each day instead of assuming the martyr's stance. Acknowledge that while the beginning of good bye may begin with the first time we begin loving, it is never the end.
